The big 4~0 has arrived you guys and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Grateful you say, with a question mark. Grateful for growing older, you might be repeating in a confused tone? Wait, what?
When people complain about growing older it makes me feel like the sound of sharp jagged nails scraping down a chalkboard. My jaw tightens, my face reddens with hot fury as my insides rumble. Like a fierce lioness I want to pounce. I don’t want to tear you apart though; I want to shake you. Gently not ferociously. I don’t want to hurt you. I just want to gently shake you awake. I want you to be brave. I want you to wake up and be brave with your one and only life. I want you to live. Fully and truly.
Don’t you see it?
Don’t you know how lucky you are to be here, to have heard your alarm clock go off another day? To peak your squinty sleepy eyes open and see the sun pouring in your window filling your room and your life with light and possibility.
I’ve had to wake up everyday for the last 763 days, 18,312 hours, and over one million minutes to a world my son is no longer a part of. He will never graduate high school, get his license, meet and fall in love with his future wife. He’ll never have babies, never experience the magical love of being a parent or the wonderment of hearing his child call him Dada for the first time. He’ll never see a laugh line or a wrinkle. He’ll never grow gray hairs, go bald or be a grandpa. He’ll be young forever, but you can see, being young forever comes at a cost that is just too high. Keep in mind the alternative to growing old is dying young. Of course, you won’t have to endure wrinkles, fragile bones or see your outside beauty fade but you’ll also miss out on extraordinary love, great travel adventures, discovering who you are and learning what sets your soul on fire.
This decade had been heart wrenching but also told an amazing love story. It showed me some of the very best moments and some of the worst moments I’ll ever walk through. There was joy and laughter, tears and excruciating heartache. There was painful growth, becoming and unbecoming. There were the highest highs and the lowest lows, ups and downs, ebbs and flows.
This decade rocked me to my core, stripped me naked and lit my world on fire. It crushed me into a million tiny pieces but every piece was beautiful. Every. Single. Piece. This decade cracked me open, woke me up and brought the strongest, bravest version of me to the surface. It pushed me close to the edge but also lifted me to the highest highs.
The Most Beautiful Gift
I assure you friends, if you heard that alarm clock ring this morning you’ve been given the most beautiful gift today; one money cannot buy. The gift of time and life. Another day to love and be loved. To step further into the person you were always meant to be. Another day to make your dreams a reality. Another day to bring your wildest visions to fruition. Another day to breath in this astonishing world and exhale in delightful wonderment over of all the possibilities for your amazing life. Stop complaining about growing older and start living; truly living. Ditch your excuse. Move your body. Have fun. Dance in your kitchen. Figure out what you want and go out and make it happen. Start where you are at, with what you have. Don’t worry about laugh lines and wrinkles. Worry about getting to the end of this magnificent life to be left wishing that you had lived; to be left wishing you had been brave with your one and only life.
This is 40 Friends!
You will not hear me complain about growing older. I’ll relish every minute of it. I will keep on pursuing the most extraordinary version of me, I will dream even bigger dreams, I’ll laugh harder and love more fiercely than ever before. I will not take advantage of the most meaningful gift I received this year, the one that was wistfully taken from Braedon far too early; the gift of time. “Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90…” Yoko Ono The choice is yours. Honour the journey. Count your blessings and remember the alternative to growing old is dying young.