How To Confidently Set Boundaries.

Guest Blog Post Feature By Kelly Carrigan

WHAT ARE BOUNDARIES?

All relationships need boundaries. A boundary is an imaginary line that separates me from you. They separate your physical space, your feelings, needs, and responsibilities from others. Your boundaries also tell other people how they can treat you – what’s acceptable and what isn’t. Without boundaries, people may take advantage of you because you haven’t set limits about how you expect to be treated.

Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used, made fun of, taken advantage of or sapped of our good nature and drained of our positivity, wisdom and support.

Why are personal boundaries important?

Personal Boundaries are important because they set the basic guidelines of how you want to be treated. Boundaries are basic guidelines that people create to establish how others are able to behave around them. … Setting boundaries can ensure that relationships are mutually respectful.

5 Signs that you lack boundaries

Your relationships tend to be difficult or dramatic.

The less boundaries you set, the more you give others a signal that you don’t know how to take care of yourself. This leaves you open to attracting will people who want to control you. At some point, you might get so frustrated this table turns and you secretly begin to control the other person. In other words, you are constantly in codependent relationships and friendships that lack an equal exchange of give and take.

1. You are stuck in indecision. 

Without healthy boundaries you can end up spending so much of your life doing what others want that you lose a sense of self. This means you often don’t know what you do or don’t want. Faced with a decision, you blank.

3. You really, really hate to let other people down. 

If you have unclear boundaries, you tend to go along with other people’s plans, or you worry about letting other people down to the extent that you just say yes. People Pleaser Alert!!!

4. Feel responsible for others unhappiness.

If you lack boundaries, you likely suffer from ongoing guilt for putting yourself first. You feel responsible for the happiness of others and make it your responsibility to change their mood. Many people with boundary issues feel guilty for the smallest things, too, like taking the last piece of cake or asking someone to make room a bench so you can sit down.

5. You are constantly the victim of situations.

With no boundaries you feel taken advantage of by people in your life.  You might always feel overlooked or blamed at work, in your family, and in your social circles. You might even feel that things always go wrong your you. 

The first step to setting boundaries is awareness and I will go over the 3 part foundation of setting personal boundaries.

Part One: TUNE INTO YOUR BODY.

Tuning into your body’s sensations and emotions tell you about what is going on. We get signs all the time, however, most of you are not tuned in. The signs are there, you just have to quiet your mind and listen.   

Think about how you feel when you’re around someone who drains you and upsets you, someone with whom you feel you can’t be yourself. How does this feel in your body? How does it feel in your mind? How does the presence of this person affect you?

What are some of the feelings and sensations you’ve noted? Imagine that your body is like a car, with a dashboard full of warning lights, those sensations are warning lights.

This is really important. When your boundaries are weak, unguarded, or unclear, you will let in all sorts of stuff that isn’t actually your stuff, and you unconsciously give away your personal energy.

You’re looking at warning signs indicating that some inner work needs to be done, some boundaries need to be tightened up, and you need to return to balance.

Part Two: GROUND YOURSELF WITH A SOLID MORNING ROUTINE.

Grounding is comparable to the way a tree sinks her roots in the soil to stay secure in a storm. The first tool in creating healthy boundaries—nurturing a connection with yourself.

Our root system is a solid foundation to your boundary system. It keeps you from being blown about in other people’s winds. It gives you a way to connect with your heart and your intuition.

There are as many ways to ground as there are people. I like to have a solid morning routine that sets my tone for the day. I feel fulfilled in mind, body and spirit. I feel grounded and that I can handle whatever challenges comes my way and I am putting myself first which increases my self confidence. My morning routine is my solid foundation that sets the tone for the day and it takes a lot to rock my foundation and have it crumble. 

There’s more than one way to have a successful routine, it all comes to personal preference. I personally have a 2 part system, morning routine and evening routine. In the morning it is important to me to get outside or to the gym, this allows me to move my body and hydrate with plenty of water. Followed by a nutritious meal or shake and my coffee. As I lay in bed and wind down for the night, I write in my gratitude journal and mentally prepare for the following day. This allows me to stay grounded so I’m not getting up in the morning running around like chicken with my head cut off. 

“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail”.

“The Secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine” what are you creating for yourself. 

Part Three: Notice the people and places that tend to drain you.

Because when your energy feels drained, it means your foundation is crumbling beneath you. 

  • certain stores in the mall drains me
  • Tim Hortons drains me
  • Certain restaurants drains me of energy
  • Certain people drain me, so I limit my time with them
  • When you know this, it’s easier to communicate this with others. 
  • Try this: Thanks for inviting me out for coffee at Tim Hortons, I prefer the atmosphere at Starbucks, can we meet there instead?

 or…

Before entering those places or exposing yourself to those people, take a few minutes to imagine breathing a bubble of protective energy around you. Think of it as a space that will only allow love and positivity inside it, deflecting anything else. Then recognize what you need to do to maintain that space and give yourself a time limit.

ABOUT COACH KELLY

Inspiring Sensitive Souls To Establish Healthy Boundaries & Confidently Communicate From A Place Of Love. 

As a professional speaker and coach, she is helping her clients to calm the chaos, find their voice, communicate from a place of love and authenticity, feel connected and valued, and gain confidence. In other words, she helps them step into their personal power to create a life they love. And of course she also spends her days being a present mom, friend, daughter and business owner; and nurturing herself too.